Is Every Husband Worth Fighting For?

 

I heard the saddest thing yesterday. A married lady I was discussing with asked me a question.

What would I do if after I got married, my husband cheated on me?

I didn’t have to think about it for one second cos its an issue I have delibrated on for a long time. My answer was I would swiftly reciprocate without missing a step.

She seemed appalled by my response. Laughed at my naivete, couldn’t comprehend why such a thing would even cross my mind. Her advise and even though it was given in good conscience, was that if a husband cheats on his wife, the wife should immediately start battling both real and imaginary mistresses.

Why was it sad to me? Cos I have heard it over a million times. They say two wrongs will not make a right, they also say its a woman’s duty to go into prayer mode, find a hobby, focus on her children. What they never tell you is the solution for this problem..

Granted there are so many other issues people face in marriages, what is acceptable to one couple could be a deal breaker for another. For a woman who can work through other issues buut finds infidelity unacceptable, everyone mocks her in our society.

All men cheat.

Where will you go, no one else will have you.

The other guys you might meet are even worse.

Men are scarce so hold on and suck it up.

Plenty women waiting to take your husband when you leave.

Are you going to leave all you have worked for behind.

The babe must be using juju.

When I said sad, it was quite heartbreaking hearing this once more, especially from a woman like myself. Not because she had this particular ideology but because it is expected that all women live by this. Many things went through my mind because living in a way that demeans you and causes you so much pain, being helpless to do anything about it, like its some kind of rite of passage, a certainty, something that comes with the territory of being a Nigerian wife.

She looked at me like I was crazy, I suddenly heard the sound of shackles awaiting me in the future. It was sad because is this what unmarried women have to look forward to? Cheating wives may not be the solution but what is? How can husbands know the pain of infidelity unless there is reciprocity? She said how can you let another woman take what belongs to you and I also wondered if all husbands belonged to their wives.

I wonder about fighting for the man you love. Surely love forgives and forgets and if there is true repentance, love can overcome but should love forgive over and over and over again without turning into something that used to be, but is now cold and empty.

When its gets to that point, what exactly are you fighting for as a wife. When its clear that he no longer belongs to you, what are you fighting for?

I want to hear from the women. Do you honestly believe you don’t have a right to happiness, some semblance of sanity, to enjoy your marriage. Do you believe there isn’t a better man out there, that they are all flawed in this way? Do you think you deserve whatever indignity and indifference you are subjected to?

I also wonder about our hypocrisy. We condemn muslims for polygamy whilst we allow our men run around with whomever they like, as many as they like. We use the bible as reference only when it suits us. Are we really God fearing as we claim to be.

I felt shame to call myself a woman. Just because some choose to give up hope and continue persevering doesn’t mean the rest should not aspire to a more fufilling life. Finally the most ridiculous one that says the next guy is worse, goes to show a complete lack of faith in Nigerian men as a whole. The devil you know is still a devil, so what are you, a child of God, cohabiting with a devil for?

Any woman that chooses to remain a faithful wife, condone infidelity, for whatever reason, has a right to do so. However, there are also women who are not interested in living this way, who have faith in the potential of a Nigerian husband, these women are not crazy. They just believe not all husbands are worth fighting for.

When a woman says to another woman, all men cheat. Will you leave?, the next one is worse,blah blah blah. She says that cos she wants you to be like her. To suffer this pain like her. Heaven forbid that your husnand could possibly be one of the many exceptions. Misery they say loves company.

Is Every Husband Worth Fighting For?